The Decision to Serve (Part One)

Many have asked me the same question. "Why did you decide to serve a mission?"
The story is long, and complicated, and starts long before the option ever arose. But I want to share it in all of it's commonplace glory.

As my senior year of high school drew to a close, my life was going exactly the way I wanted it to. I was Student Body Vice President, I was Prom Queen, I was on the Dance Company, and I was on track to graduate with decent grades. My plan for the future was foolproof. I had been accepted into the dance program at SUU. I was invited to be one of the school's Presidential Ambassadors and had a half-tuition scholarship waiting for me. Everything was going according to plan and I was well on my way to greater things. After graduation, I got a job working at Chick-Fil-A to work the summer awaiting my flawless future that fall.

And then reality started to settle in. I did the math over and over again and no matter how much I saved up, it wasn't going to be enough. I was confused and angry that my impeccable plan had been frustrated. After contemplating the situation, I decided that if I couldn't have my plan exactly the way that I wanted it, then I didn't want any of it. I withdrew from the university and continued to live at home and bask in my pressure cooked chicken sandwich glory. Maybe I thought that if I was patient enough, my fairy godmother would come and bibbidy-bobbidi-boo my problems away. Or that a generous stranger would slip me a tuition-sized check as a tip. When neither of those things happened, I decided to take it to God. When I prayed, my questions were less "What would thou have me do?" and more "Why me?" I wasn't getting the answers that I wanted and I just found myself getting more and more frustrated.

My loving parents continually presented me with options of other schools, jobs, loans, etc. That fall, my mom suggested that I apply to BYU-Idaho. I rolled my eyes and told her that Rexburg had nothing to offer me. But I promised her that I would think and pray about it. After a few half-hearted prayers concerning the matter, I awaited the answer that would grant me "I told you so" rights. I was confident that the answer would be no.

In October, I watched General Conference with the hopes that the answer to my problems would be found amidst the talks given. Surprisingly enough, my answer was not found in the announcement given by President Monson regarding the age for missionary service. At the time, a mission was the farthest thing from my mind. Sunday morning, President Eyring opened the session by telling the story of when he was called to be the President of a college formerly known as Rick's college, now known as BYU-Idaho. A sense of unwavering surety came over me. I can't say that it was a pleasant feeling, but I knew immediately that I had received my answer.

I needed to attend BYU-Idaho.

Part two

Your Infinite Worth

I've had about 5 million different blog posts hovering around in my drafts and my brain, but none of them have made it on paper.
(actually they have made it on paper but not the internet so whatevs.)

Okay ladies, (and maybe gents, I don't know) let's be real. How many times have you gotten online, seen the profiles of all the attractive people that you're not, the Pinterest boards of things you will never have, the Instagrams of the houses that yours will never look like and just thought "wow! I am sooo inadequate!"

Yeah, me too.

Here's the thing. There will always be someone who is better looking, who has more, who is more talented, or just seems to be everything that we wish we could be. That being said, there is always, always something that you have to offer to the world that nobody else can because you are divinely created. You are one of a kind and someone else's talents or successes will never take away from the good that you do and the divine nature that we all possess.

We are children of a loving Heavenly Father who created us all uniquely and individually. You were not mass produced. You cannot be bought in bulk. You are a priceless son or daughter of God. He has been in every detail of your life from the beginning and will be for all eternity. Whether you know it or not, you are loved beyond all comprehension and are part of a divine plan to bring about your eternal happiness and salvation. You were created with talents and strengths specific to you. Those qualities will not only benefit you, but will bless the lives of those around you. That being said, you were also created with weaknesses and faults, and despite what you may think about the picture perfect profiles you see, we all have weaknesses and faults.

Weaknesses are necessary in order for us to learn and become better. In the Book of Mormon, Christ teaches that "if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27) Imperfections are part of our mortal condition. It is good to humble ourselves and recognize areas for improvement, but constantly focusing on our flaws is a good formula for making yourself miserable. God does not want us to be miserable! He wants us to experience the never ending joy that comes from following the example of his son, Jesus Christ.

Jesus never taught "thou shalt have more 'likes' than thy neighbor" but that "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." On the flip side, we need to also love ourselves the way we love our neighbors. Al Carraway (Fox) recently said "Treat yourself the way you treat others. You don't point out their flaws and tell them everything they are horrible at. You don't tell them what you think is ugly or what you wish they could change." On the same topic, Maddy Richards said "We lift, appreciate, and accept others and help them. We need to start doing that for ourselves as well."

When answering the question of "what manner of men ought [we] to be?" He did not respond by saying "the most popular blogger." He simply stated "even as I am." The only person we should strive to be more like is Christ. He urges us not to compete with others, but to be better than we were the day before. That's what repentance is all about; making changes in our life to be more in line with God's will and to offer ourselves "a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world." (Bible Dictionary) It is forsaking our sins and recommitting ourselves to follow Christ.

Whether you browse the internet regularly or occasionally, if you post often or not at all, the temptation to compare ourselves to others is there. Do not let yourself forget your divine nature and your individual worth! You are loved. You are important. You are needed. You are enough. The number of followers you have does not matter to your Father in Heaven. What matters is that you follow Christ. He is the only way back to the Father. He leads us on the path that can and will bring never ending happiness. "Not as the world giveth give I unto you" was the promise he gave to his apostles in John 14:27. That promise is extended to each of us.

I understand that it's hard to remember our true identity when faced with the temptation to compete or compare. It's something that I, and I'm sure many of you, have to face every day. But I challenge you to ask Heavenly Father for his help. If we "ask [we] shall receive" and he will help us to see ourselves the way he sees us. He will remind us who we really are. We are sons and daughters of the most high God. Our worth, indeed the worth of every soul, is great in the sight of God.

Driving Privileges

It's been a while, friends. It's been a while.

As a missionary, driving is a privilege. If you break the rules, the privilege is taken away. That's how it works. A few days ago I was driving along Centreville road when I got pulled over. Bummer, right? It was an honest mistake, but it was one that I had to pay the consequences for. I got a speeding ticket. Other than the fine that I would inevitably have to pay, I knew that the consequences would also affect my future driving opportunities as a missionary. After texting the mission president and handing the keys over to my companion, I was left to await the verdict of what my consequences would be.

A few days later, I got a call from Elder Jenkins in the mission office. He talked with me a little bit about the situation. Then he said something that took me off guard. He said, "Sister Martindale, we've discussed it, and we think you're the perfect person to be driving that car right now."

What? I had just gotten a ticket, and a hefty one at that. How could I be the perfect person to be driving the mission car right now? He then explained to me that because I had been, as he put it, "bit" by the law and had to pay the consequences, it was likely that I was going to be a more careful driver from now on. He said as long as I promised to do my best and not make the mistake again, that my driving privleges would be restored. I anxiously agreed and promised that I would be better.

That day I learned a valuable lesson. Not only about driving, but about the atonement of Jesus Christ. God has given us the amazing ability to make choices and with every choice that we make there are consequences that follow. When we mess up and make a bad choice, we are asked to repent. "Repentance is more than simply acknowledging wrongdoings. It is a change of mind and heart. It includes turning away from sin and turning to God for forgiveness. It is motivated by love for God and the sincere desire to obey His commandments." (-For the Strength of Youth)

"To repent, you need to confess your sins to the Lord. Then seek forgiveness from those you have wronged, and restore as far as possible what has been damaged by your actions." (-For the Strength of Youth) If we repent and forsake our sins we will become more humble and more willing to submit ourselves to the will of the Father. Repentance offers us "a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world." (-Bible Dictionary)  Repentance brings us closer to God.

Now, I'm not saying that everyone should go around sinning so that they can repent and come closer to God. But if we do slip up and sin, we fall further from God. Repentance helps us to restore that relationship and I believe it can bring us closer than we were before.

Because of my foolish actions I received a painful consequence. (At least my wallet thinks so.) But because of this experience I am determined to be a better driver. Thanks to Jesus Christ, we can all become "better drivers" in our lives. We can all be forgiven of our sins and we can feel his grace not only redeeming us, but changing us.