Baptism and The Gift of the Holy Ghost

I've been thinking about my mission so much lately. The people, the areas, the memories, all of it. I miss it more than I can even describe.

While on my mission, I had so many people ask me why baptism was so important. Or, if they had already been baptized, they would ask why it was important to be baptized again. We would always explain that it's because baptism needs to be done by the proper authority (the priesthood) and that we need to receive The Gift of the Holy Ghost. More often than not, people would tell us that they already received direction through the Holy Ghost and that they didn't see how being baptized would change that.

First of all, I think it's important to understand the difference between the Light of Christ and the Gift of the Holy Ghost. The Light of Christ is something in all of us. Everyone is born with the Light of Christ regardless of their culture, location, or religious beliefs. It's what helps us to discern good from evil and to have a desire to do what is right. The Holy Ghost speaks to us through the light of Christ. I love Elder Wirthlin's explanation of the difference in this video:




I also love this quote from President Boyd K. Packer, "the Holy Ghost can work through the Light of Christ. A teacher of gospel truths is not planting something foreign or even new into an adult or a child. Rather, the missionary or teacher is making contact with the Spirit of Christ already there. The gospel will have a familiar ‘ring’ to them"

Basically, the light of Christ is a part of us, then the Holy Ghost speaks to us through the Light of Christ. After we are baptized, we work and endure to the end which helps the Light of Christ to grow in us. As we nurture that light that is within us, the Holy Ghost will be able to further guide us in our lives. 

The Decision to Serve (Part Three)

Read part one here and part two here.

 

"Dear Sister Gapinski," she read. It was mid February and my best friend was about to read the letter that would determine where she would be spending the next 18 months of her life. I looked around and saw the faces of the ones that she loved; family, friends, neighbors, all with the same expression of love, excitement, and anticipation. As I watched and waited, a voice whispered in the back of my head. You could have this too, you know. I laughed at the silliness of the notion. Yes, the last almost-year of my life had been void of any feeling of significance, but I wasn't about to go on a mission just to feel important. As I did with all other mentions of a mission, I pushed it aside. "You have been called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints," after an audible gasp, she continued. "You have been assigned to labor in the Korea, Seoul mission!" Everyone cheered and rushed to congratulate her. As I smiled and watched, the thought came again: you could serve a mission too. "Good one." I thought to myself, this time almost laughing aloud, "but I will never, ever serve a mission."

The next few weeks were filled with shopping trips and temple trips as I did what I could to help my friend prepare for her mission. I did what I could to forget about serving a mission myself, but the thought kept resurfacing. It didn't make any sense. Missions are something that boys did, or girls like my friend who had the aspiration to be a missionary from the time they were small. What did I have to offer? As I did with all of my questions, I took it to God. I didn't trust my own judgment anymore and I needed to be sure. "Heavenly Father, I don't want to serve a mission," I confessed, "but I can't help but think that I should. Is this what you want me to do?" I pondered the question over and over again, but never felt that I was getting any concrete answers. I thought that I would get a definite "Yes! You need to serve a mission!" or an absolute "No, you are needed elsewhere." But the answers I received continued in the manner of "You could serve a mission, or not. Really, it's up to you." I was confused and frustrated. Why wasn't God giving me the direction I sought?

 One day, my friend invited me to go to the temple with her. I knew that the temple was the House of God and that I felt the spirit strongest there. I figured that I would get a clearer answer if I was inside. Oh, was I right. Maybe it was the sanctified environment that I was in, or maybe God was getting tired of my constant pleas for guidance and direction, but my answer was clear as day. As we were sitting and waiting for our turns to do baptisms for the dead, I closed my eyes and again asked my Father in Heaven what He wanted me to do. My answer was obvious, but not loud or demanding. The voice I heard was not audible, but I distinctly heard the words of a wise, tender parent in my thoughts. "Look, Kaleigh, you have so many great options in front of you. You could go to school, or you could go on a mission. Either way is acceptable and I will be proud of you as long as you are doing what is right. But right now, you are doing neither. You need to make a choice." I was stunned. Me? Make the choice? Was He kidding? According to my choices in the past I was not in a position to be making a decision such as this. How could this be my answer? Wasn't God supposed to tell me what to do?

 

As the days past I started to weight the options that God had given me. School was my plan all along, but I clearly didn't have the money to afford tuition. Despite my pathetic efforts to save, I couldn't hold onto my money long enough to save up for much of anything. But a mission mean leaving behind friends, family, cute clothes, cute boys, movies, TV shows, electronics, books, etc. It would mean giving up practically everything that I knew for a year and a half of doors being slammed in my face and people yelling at me for sharing my beliefs. One option was clearly more appealing than the other and it was not the option to serve a mission. So I made the decision not to serve. I would continue to work and save and try to somehow get to school. But no matter how I tried to convince myself otherwise, I felt guilty for making that decision. I just couldn't put the idea aside.

 

April came and I found myself at another friend's mission farewell. As I listened to her talk about her desire to serve and love the people of Russia, something stirred within my heart. The more she talked, the more the feeling within my heart would swell, until I was to the point of tears. What was I feeling? Surely I didn't want to serve a mission, did I? Could it be that I was finally getting the direction that I was looking for? The thoughts continued turning as we sang the intermediate hymn. And then I knew. The words touched my heart in such a way that I can't describe and I couldn't stop the tears from coming. The lyrics were as follows: Go forth with faith to tell the world of Jesus Christ, the Lord. Bear witness he is God's own Son; proclaim his wondrous word.Go forth with hope and courage strong to spread the word abroad that people of all nations are children of our God.Go forth with love to tell the world the joy of families. That we may be with those we love thru all eternity. Go forth to serve and do your best with no thought of reward; then you shall know the boundless joy of serving Christ, the Lord. Go forth with pow'r to tell the world the gospel is restored, that all may gain eternal life thru Jesus Christ, the Lord. Go forth to preach his glorious truths of peace, of joy, and love, that all who heed his holy word may praise the Lord above. And that's when I realized; a mission wasn't about what I was going to give up. It wasn't about the time or the recognition or the places. It was about people. People who were children of God. People who had no idea what the truths of the gospel were - that they could see their loved ones again, that they could find peace and joy beyond comprehension through the atonement of Jesus Christ, truths that I had taken so for granted in my life. And in that moment I knew. Not only did I need to serve a mission, but I wanted to. I pulled out my phone and shot a text at my dad, who was a member of the bishopric at the time. "Dad, I need an appointment with the bishop. I think I want to go on a mission." The response came almost immediately. "Are you serious?" I think he was just as shocked as I was. But he set up the appointment for me. For once, I was following the counsel given to me by my Heavenly Father. And I was terrified.

 

Four weeks later I paced the walkway of my living room floor. It was here. My very own big, white envelope that held the course of my future in it's papery grasps. Dear ones gathered near and there was an array of digital devices with the faces of loved ones anxiously joining us over Skype. My hands shook as I slid my finger through the glue of the envelope. As I pulled it out, I immediately covered up the letter with another piece of paper and read line by line. "Dear Sister Martindale," I read, and then I glanced up from the piece of paper in front of me. Everyone watched from the edge of their seats as a grinned to myself. "We are pleased to inform you, you've been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" everyone laughed and I took the opportunity to quickly glance at the next line of the letter. My knees buckled. The room went silent as I read "You have been called to serve as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You have been assigned to labor in the Washington D.C., South Mission!" Everyone cheered and the tears stung my eyes again. I felt finally felt the peace in my heart that I had been craving for so long, and I knew that my Heavenly Father was smiling down upon me. For the first time in a long time, I knew that this was right. The next four months were again spent with shopping trips, temple trips, and anything I could do to prepare to head to the other side of the country for a year and a half. It was a time of great excitement and anticipation, but also a time of trial and temptation. There were so many reasons not to go and at times I seriously considered staying home. But with the help of loving parents, both earthly and Heavenly, I made it. September 18th I entered the Missionary Training Center. Thirteen months later and I'm happier than I've ever been. My mission has by far held the most sorrow and heartache that I have ever experienced. But never have I experienced a sweeter, more exquisite joy than the time that I've spent helping others to come unto Christ.

 

It's always so amusing to look back. I was so sure about what I wanted and I was so certain that it was the only thing that would bring my happiness. But God obviously knew me better than I knew myself. I'm so grateful that he continued to guide this stubborn child of his to exactly what I needed. Giving my will to God is something that I'm still learning how to do, but I know that when we submit to God's will instead of our own, that he can take us and shape us into the masterpiece that he has envisioned.

 

I know that a mission is not for every sister. But if you feel that god is telling you to go, don't question it. Just go. It will be hard, but God will take care of you. You will learn and do and become more than you ever imagined you could, and it will be glorious.

 

The Decision to Serve (Part Two)

And the story continues. Read part one here.

 "Congratulations!" The email read. An unusual mix of adrenalin and utter defeat encompassed me. Contrary to what I wanted, I sent in my application to BYU-Idaho half hoping that I would be declined or that my application would be lost amidst the thousands of other blonde Utah Mormon girls that would apply. But there that email was, staring me in the face with full-fledged acceptance. "You've got to be kidding me." I muttered under my breath. I couldn't help but feel a little bit excited that someone deemed my disarrayed life to be somewhat acceptable, but I didn't allow myself to dwell on it. I walked into the kitchen to inform my mom of the news.

"So... uh... I got accepted to BYU-I." I said nonchalantly. I wanted to make this as insignificant as possible. "That's awesome!" she replied with enthusiasm. She then proceeded to ask me about what I was going to do next. "Ummm..." I hesitated. I couldn't deny that the spirit had prompted me to apply and that this was God wanted me to do. But I just couldn't get myself to want it. "I'll have to think about it." I responded, and left it at that. And think about it, I did. Days turned into weeks and that email sat in my inbox. Maybe I thought that Heavenly Father would change his mind if I waited long enough. But that never happened. He was unwavering and I was stubborn and so my predicament continued.

Meanwhile, my best friend was preparing to serve a mission. Ever since I met her when she was 12 and I was 11 she was one of those girls that always knew she would serve a mission and when the call came to serve at age 19, she responded immediately. I, on the other hand, had no desire to serve a mission of any kind. People would ask me if I was going to serve a mission too and I would immediately shut them down. I did not want to entertain the idea whatsoever.

I never would have admitted it then, but looking back, I think I was scared. Scared of another new place with more new people, scared of anything unfamiliar, scared of being forgotten by my friends at home, the list goes on. But mostly, I think I was scared because I felt like I had no control over my life anymore, and that terrified me. Ultimately I let my fear get the best of me. Regardless of what God had told me, I didn't go to BYU-I, something that I still regret to this day. I thought, "I know myself and I know what was best for me, right?" as many of us foolishly so often do. I continued to work at Chick-Fil-A and wait. What I was waiting for, I'm not sure. But my life was heading straight into a dead end.

And I was miserable. My job was miserable. My dating life was miserable (and oh, is that a story for another day.) I went to the local college and took a couple college classes, and then proceeded to fail those college classes. I couldn't understand why everything was going so poorly. I was being good, wasn't I? I wasn't doing anything wrong! I would plead to God for answers, but my prayers continued in a pattern of "why me?" and the answers continued to be what I didn't want to hear.

I felt that God was distant. I knew what I wanted and I thought that it would make me happy. If God really loved me and wanted me to be happy, he would give me what I wanted, right? At this point, I don't know if I was even sure what I wanted anymore. But I knew that it was going to take something big to get me out of this giant rut.

Part Three

The Decision to Serve (Part One)

Many have asked me the same question. "Why did you decide to serve a mission?"
The story is long, and complicated, and starts long before the option ever arose. But I want to share it in all of it's commonplace glory.

As my senior year of high school drew to a close, my life was going exactly the way I wanted it to. I was Student Body Vice President, I was Prom Queen, I was on the Dance Company, and I was on track to graduate with decent grades. My plan for the future was foolproof. I had been accepted into the dance program at SUU. I was invited to be one of the school's Presidential Ambassadors and had a half-tuition scholarship waiting for me. Everything was going according to plan and I was well on my way to greater things. After graduation, I got a job working at Chick-Fil-A to work the summer awaiting my flawless future that fall.

And then reality started to settle in. I did the math over and over again and no matter how much I saved up, it wasn't going to be enough. I was confused and angry that my impeccable plan had been frustrated. After contemplating the situation, I decided that if I couldn't have my plan exactly the way that I wanted it, then I didn't want any of it. I withdrew from the university and continued to live at home and bask in my pressure cooked chicken sandwich glory. Maybe I thought that if I was patient enough, my fairy godmother would come and bibbidy-bobbidi-boo my problems away. Or that a generous stranger would slip me a tuition-sized check as a tip. When neither of those things happened, I decided to take it to God. When I prayed, my questions were less "What would thou have me do?" and more "Why me?" I wasn't getting the answers that I wanted and I just found myself getting more and more frustrated.

My loving parents continually presented me with options of other schools, jobs, loans, etc. That fall, my mom suggested that I apply to BYU-Idaho. I rolled my eyes and told her that Rexburg had nothing to offer me. But I promised her that I would think and pray about it. After a few half-hearted prayers concerning the matter, I awaited the answer that would grant me "I told you so" rights. I was confident that the answer would be no.

In October, I watched General Conference with the hopes that the answer to my problems would be found amidst the talks given. Surprisingly enough, my answer was not found in the announcement given by President Monson regarding the age for missionary service. At the time, a mission was the farthest thing from my mind. Sunday morning, President Eyring opened the session by telling the story of when he was called to be the President of a college formerly known as Rick's college, now known as BYU-Idaho. A sense of unwavering surety came over me. I can't say that it was a pleasant feeling, but I knew immediately that I had received my answer.

I needed to attend BYU-Idaho.

Part two

Your Infinite Worth

I've had about 5 million different blog posts hovering around in my drafts and my brain, but none of them have made it on paper.
(actually they have made it on paper but not the internet so whatevs.)

Okay ladies, (and maybe gents, I don't know) let's be real. How many times have you gotten online, seen the profiles of all the attractive people that you're not, the Pinterest boards of things you will never have, the Instagrams of the houses that yours will never look like and just thought "wow! I am sooo inadequate!"

Yeah, me too.

Here's the thing. There will always be someone who is better looking, who has more, who is more talented, or just seems to be everything that we wish we could be. That being said, there is always, always something that you have to offer to the world that nobody else can because you are divinely created. You are one of a kind and someone else's talents or successes will never take away from the good that you do and the divine nature that we all possess.

We are children of a loving Heavenly Father who created us all uniquely and individually. You were not mass produced. You cannot be bought in bulk. You are a priceless son or daughter of God. He has been in every detail of your life from the beginning and will be for all eternity. Whether you know it or not, you are loved beyond all comprehension and are part of a divine plan to bring about your eternal happiness and salvation. You were created with talents and strengths specific to you. Those qualities will not only benefit you, but will bless the lives of those around you. That being said, you were also created with weaknesses and faults, and despite what you may think about the picture perfect profiles you see, we all have weaknesses and faults.

Weaknesses are necessary in order for us to learn and become better. In the Book of Mormon, Christ teaches that "if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27) Imperfections are part of our mortal condition. It is good to humble ourselves and recognize areas for improvement, but constantly focusing on our flaws is a good formula for making yourself miserable. God does not want us to be miserable! He wants us to experience the never ending joy that comes from following the example of his son, Jesus Christ.

Jesus never taught "thou shalt have more 'likes' than thy neighbor" but that "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." On the flip side, we need to also love ourselves the way we love our neighbors. Al Carraway (Fox) recently said "Treat yourself the way you treat others. You don't point out their flaws and tell them everything they are horrible at. You don't tell them what you think is ugly or what you wish they could change." On the same topic, Maddy Richards said "We lift, appreciate, and accept others and help them. We need to start doing that for ourselves as well."

When answering the question of "what manner of men ought [we] to be?" He did not respond by saying "the most popular blogger." He simply stated "even as I am." The only person we should strive to be more like is Christ. He urges us not to compete with others, but to be better than we were the day before. That's what repentance is all about; making changes in our life to be more in line with God's will and to offer ourselves "a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world." (Bible Dictionary) It is forsaking our sins and recommitting ourselves to follow Christ.

Whether you browse the internet regularly or occasionally, if you post often or not at all, the temptation to compare ourselves to others is there. Do not let yourself forget your divine nature and your individual worth! You are loved. You are important. You are needed. You are enough. The number of followers you have does not matter to your Father in Heaven. What matters is that you follow Christ. He is the only way back to the Father. He leads us on the path that can and will bring never ending happiness. "Not as the world giveth give I unto you" was the promise he gave to his apostles in John 14:27. That promise is extended to each of us.

I understand that it's hard to remember our true identity when faced with the temptation to compete or compare. It's something that I, and I'm sure many of you, have to face every day. But I challenge you to ask Heavenly Father for his help. If we "ask [we] shall receive" and he will help us to see ourselves the way he sees us. He will remind us who we really are. We are sons and daughters of the most high God. Our worth, indeed the worth of every soul, is great in the sight of God.

Driving Privileges

It's been a while, friends. It's been a while.

As a missionary, driving is a privilege. If you break the rules, the privilege is taken away. That's how it works. A few days ago I was driving along Centreville road when I got pulled over. Bummer, right? It was an honest mistake, but it was one that I had to pay the consequences for. I got a speeding ticket. Other than the fine that I would inevitably have to pay, I knew that the consequences would also affect my future driving opportunities as a missionary. After texting the mission president and handing the keys over to my companion, I was left to await the verdict of what my consequences would be.

A few days later, I got a call from Elder Jenkins in the mission office. He talked with me a little bit about the situation. Then he said something that took me off guard. He said, "Sister Martindale, we've discussed it, and we think you're the perfect person to be driving that car right now."

What? I had just gotten a ticket, and a hefty one at that. How could I be the perfect person to be driving the mission car right now? He then explained to me that because I had been, as he put it, "bit" by the law and had to pay the consequences, it was likely that I was going to be a more careful driver from now on. He said as long as I promised to do my best and not make the mistake again, that my driving privleges would be restored. I anxiously agreed and promised that I would be better.

That day I learned a valuable lesson. Not only about driving, but about the atonement of Jesus Christ. God has given us the amazing ability to make choices and with every choice that we make there are consequences that follow. When we mess up and make a bad choice, we are asked to repent. "Repentance is more than simply acknowledging wrongdoings. It is a change of mind and heart. It includes turning away from sin and turning to God for forgiveness. It is motivated by love for God and the sincere desire to obey His commandments." (-For the Strength of Youth)

"To repent, you need to confess your sins to the Lord. Then seek forgiveness from those you have wronged, and restore as far as possible what has been damaged by your actions." (-For the Strength of Youth) If we repent and forsake our sins we will become more humble and more willing to submit ourselves to the will of the Father. Repentance offers us "a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world." (-Bible Dictionary)  Repentance brings us closer to God.

Now, I'm not saying that everyone should go around sinning so that they can repent and come closer to God. But if we do slip up and sin, we fall further from God. Repentance helps us to restore that relationship and I believe it can bring us closer than we were before.

Because of my foolish actions I received a painful consequence. (At least my wallet thinks so.) But because of this experience I am determined to be a better driver. Thanks to Jesus Christ, we can all become "better drivers" in our lives. We can all be forgiven of our sins and we can feel his grace not only redeeming us, but changing us.

halfway; a reflection on sacrifice

^^ this is what sisters do at their 1/2 way mark. stuff whatever ^^

we can find in our shirts to take pregnant pictures. get it? 9 months?

Wednesday, June 18 was my 9 month mark. Can you say crazy?!?!?!?!? I still can't believe I'm half way. Sometimes it feels like so much longer. But most of the time it seems sooooo much shorter. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about it. It's caused me to do a lot of self reflection - about what I've done in the last 9 months and what I want to do in the next 9 months. Have I really done my best and served with all my heart, might, mind and strength? I look at the person I am now compared to the person I was 9 months ago. In all honesty, I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself anymore. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, in all aspects. The good news is that my spirituality and my relationship with Heavenly Father and with the Savior has grown in leaps and bounds in the last 9 months. But I often feel this overwhelming desire to be normal again. To be able to actually take care of myself and my body so that I don't feel gross and sick all the time. I want to use my talents and what I'm good at to create and to design things, to dance and to express myself. Sometimes I feel that everything I love, everything that has become such a part of me over the last 20 years is slowly starting to disappear. And that's hard to see because I love who Heavenly Father has created me to be! I really do! I love myself. (In the most un-narcissistic way possible.) But now I feel as if God is asking me to take those gifts and talents and sacrifice them for Him. That's so hard because these gifts and talents are good things! It's different than having to sacrifice sin or addiction because these are gifts that He has given me. 

It's got me thinking a lot about the story of Abraham and Isaac. In our mission, we've been talking a lot about "stepping onto the mount" meaning trusting God and sacrificing our will for his. In Genesis 22:2 the Lord commands Abraham and says "take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of." I don't know what Abraham was thinking, but if I were him, I'd be thinking something along the lines of "Seriously?? I just got this kid after waiting for how many years? And now I have to give him up??" Needless to say, I would not be a happy camper.

But verse 3 tells us that "Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him." No questions asked, Abraham does exactly what God has asked of him. I would never assume to say that it was an easy task, but Abraham was willing to give whatever God asked of him.

I've been reading about other great men in the church's history such as John Tanner or John Rowe Moyle who sacrificed so much for the Lord, and I want to be like them. We read in the scriptures that "whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it." (Matthew 16:25) If there was ever a time that I felt like I've lost myself, it is now. And I can only trust that with God, I will find myself again.

Sometimes a lot of the time, missions are hard. and like any other missionary, I wonder what my life would be like right now if I was not a missionary. But then I remember the importance of the message that I share. I remember the reason that I have been asked to give up so much at such a crucial point in my life. I remember that Christ was willing to sacrifice Himself for me, and I reflect on what I am willing to sacrifice for Him. I am so grateful for everything a mission has taught me and for the 9 months I still have ahead of me.

Life is full of sacrifices, and I want to hear about yours.
When in your life have you had to sacrifice something good, and yet received something better because of it?

xo

a father's example

During Mother's Day, everyone talks about the 2,000 strippling warriors and their amazing mothers. (Guilty as charged. Check out that post here.) But what about their fathers? We put so much emphasis on the faith of their mothers that sometimes I think we forget about the profound influence that their fathers must have had in their lives. 

We know that when the sons of Mosiah left to preach the gospel to the lamanites that they were "a wild and a hardened and a ferocious people; a people who delighted in murdering the nephites." (Alma 17:14) But after being taught the gospel, "as many of the lamanites as believed in [the sons of Mosiah's] preaching, and were converted unto the Lord, never did fall away. For they did become a righteous people; they did lay down the weapons of their rebellion, that they did not fight against God anymore, neither against any of their brethren." (Alma 23:6-7) They even refused to be called lamanites anymore, taking upon themselves the name of Anti-Nephi-Lehies, and "there was not one soul among all the people who had been converted unto the Lord that would take up arms against their brethren. Nay, they would not even make preparations for war." (Alma 24:6) What a mighty change of heart! These men went from being a bloodthirsty, ferocious people to being an honest, industrial, god-fearing people. We later learn that not only did they refuse to fight, but they "took their swords, and all the weapons which were used for the shedding of man's blood, and they did bury them up deep in the earth. And this they did, it being in their view a testimony to God, and also to men, that they never would use weapons again for the shedding of man's blood; and this they did, vouching and covenanting with God, that rather than shed the blood of their brethren they would give up their own lives; and rather than take away from a brother they would give unto him; and rather than spend their days in idleness they would labor abundantly with their hands." (Alma 24:17-18)

What an amazing example these fathers set for their families! But several years later, the lamanites attack and Captain Moroni comes asking for people to fight in defense of their God, their religion, their freedom, their peace, their wives, and their children. The Nephites knew about the covenant that the Anti-Nephi-Lehies had made with God and promised to protect them. But when the Anti-Nephi-Lehies "saw the danger, and the many afflictions and tribulations which the Nephites bore for them, they were moved with compassion and were desirous to take up arms in the defense of their country. But behold, as they were about to take their weapons of war, they were overpowered by the persuasions of Helaman and his brethren, for they were about to break the oath which they had made. And Helaman feared lest by so doing that they should lose their souls; therefore all those who had entered into this covenant were compelled to behold their brethren wade through their afflictions, in their dangerous circumstances at this time." (Alma 53:13-15) 

We know that "by divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." (The Family: A Proclamation To The World) How hard it must have been for these men to not only watch their brethren struggle in their behalf and not be able to do anything about it, but to know that they could not uphold their responsibility to protect their families. However, these men had set an amazing example for their sons. These sons "had not entered into a covenant that they would not take their weapons of war to defend themselves against their enemies; therefore they did assemble themselves together at this time, as many as were able to take up arms, and they called themselves Nephites. And they entered into a covenant to fight for the liberty of the Nephites, yea, to protect the land unto the laying down of their lives; yea, even they covenanted that they never would give up their liberty, but they would fight in all cases to protect the Nephites and themselves from bondage." (Alma 53:16-17) These fathers had shown their sons that their covenants with God were sacred and extremely important to them, therefore enabling them to make their own covenant with God. I bet that if we were to talk to one of these strippling warriors that they would tell us about their fathers just as much as they would their mothers. They would tell us that because of the example set for them by their fathers, they knew what their duty was and they knew that if they kept their covenants with God, that they would be protected.

What an amazing roll fathers have in our lives! I am so grateful for my dad who has always set an example of righteousness for me and my family. I've watched him move around to different jobs, working hours or projects that he didn't enjoy in order to provide for our family. I've watched him go through different medical challenges, always facing them with bravery and faith. I've watched him serve in different callings in the church, always striving to magnify his calling and give his very best. I've watched him study his scriptures diligently. I've heard him bear testimony to my family, and then live that testimony to it's fullest. He's set an example not only for the kind of person that I want to be, but has set a high standard for the kind of person that I want to marry. I'm so grateful for a mother and a father who are like the parents of the strippling warriors, who have raised three children and set an example for us of what we need to do. 

My dad is selfless. My dad is courageous. My dad is honest. My dad is dependable. 

My dad is one of my best friends. My dad is my hero. 

Happy Father's Day

mother, I love you.

Sunday is Mother's day. (Here's your reminder to do something nice or get to the store before it gets too late. You're welcome.) In honor of this Sunday's holiday, I wanted to take some time to talk about a few different mothers, including my favorite mother in the whole world >> mine. (I know. So cliche and cheesy. But TRUE.)

First, let's talk about some mothers in the Book of Mormon. In the book of Alma, we learn about Helaman's 2000 Stripling Warriors. These were the sons of the Anti-Nephi-Lehies, who had covenanted with God to never again take up their weapons of war unto the shedding of blood. When the Lamanites came to attack them, these men wanted to protect their families, but they did not want to break their covenant with God, so they weren't sure what to do. That's when their sons stepped up and said that because they had not made that covenant, they would fight to protect their families and their freedom. Helaman, the captain of the army, later talks about the courage of these young warriors. 

"Never had I seen so great courage, nay, not amongst all the Nephites. ... They said unto me... behold our God is with us, and he will not suffer that we should fall... Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it." 

Alma 56:45-48

This is one of my hands-down-all-time-favorite stories in the Book of Mormon. I love it not only because of the courage that these young men show, but because of the love and trust that they have in their mothers. Think about it; "we do not doubt our mothers knew it." Do your children have that much confidence in the things that you teach them? Someone once told me that we cannot give anything to our children that we ourselves do not already have. This of course applies to food, shelter, etc. We have to physically obtain it before giving it to our children. The same goes with faith. If we do not have our foundation securely rooted in Christ, we cannot truly teach our children to do the same.

Next, I want to talk about my own mom. Like any mother-daughter relationship, it's had it's fair share of struggles. But in the end she has become someone who I'm proud to call one of my very best friends. I find myself becoming more like her every day and I can't think of anyone who I would rather become more like. (and I truly never thought I would say that.) If there's anything that I've learned from watching my mother as I've grown up, it's been that she does have not only a testimony, but a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. I remember walking into her room to find her praying or diligently studying her scriptures. She used every opportunity to teach me about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and helped me to gain that personal relationship for myself. I love my mom so much and am so grateful for all the many years that she spent teaching me what is right. I know that it is because of her that I am the person that I am today. It's because of the things that she taught me in my youth that I have grown to have the testimony that I do today. And I can say for myself that I do not doubt my mother knows it.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you so much.

Happily Ever After

Every girl from the time that she is small longs for her prince charming and waits for her happily ever after. What does happily ever after even mean? My current missionary companion, Sister Egbert, used to work at Disney World and was surrounded by princesses and dreams of far away lands on a daily basis. This is the definition she gave me for the typical happily ever after:

"The princess walks in and just like that the prince knows that they're meant to be together. Something over-dramatic happens, but all is well when they're together again. It ends with the most perfect first kiss and it's the most magical, powerful thing in the world and solves all their problems forever afterwards." 

uhh.. puh-lease! If all it took was some faith, trust and pixie dust I should have arrived at my happily ever after quite some time ago. Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for the predictable, sing a long, romantic fairy tale movie just as much as I was when I was little (and I may or may not still cry at most of them) but the older I get, the more I realize that life is hard and that happily ever after doesn't come to those who sit and wait for it to happen.

During my scripture study the other day, I came across this verse: 

And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness.
2 Nephi 5:27

This verse seems to have so much packed into a tiny little sentence. What is the manner of happiness? How do we live after it? I did a lot of pondering over this and decided the following:

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+ living after the manner of happiness means living after the gospel of Jesus Christ, which means having faith in him, repenting of our sins, making and keeping sacred covenants with our father in heaven, such as baptism and receiving the gift of the holy ghost, and enduring to the end.

+ living after the manner of happiness means serving those around us.

+living after the manner of happiness means consistently studying the word of God in the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the words of the latter-day prophets.

+ living after the manner of happiness is attending the temple regularly.

+ living after the manner of happiness is striving to make our homes and our hearts centered on Christ

+ living after the manner of happiness is sharing the gospel with our friends, our neighbors, our family, our children, etc.

+ living after the manner of happiness is attending church and magnifying our callings.

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Not once did it cross my mind that living after the manner of happiness would include perfection, nor would it include a lack of hard times. We know that in this life that trials and tribulation will come, but we know that with Christ on our side, we can overcome whatever comes our way, and we can find happiness in the journey.

"Sandwiched between their "once upon a time" and "happily ever after," [the fairy tale characters] had to experience great adversity. ... In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy."
- Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Your Happily Ever After

Our happily ever after is real. Living with our families together forever in perfect happiness and in the presence of our Father in Heaven is real. He has provided us a way to get there, and that is to live after the manner of happiness while we are here on this earth. It is so apparent to me in ever aspect of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that God loves us and that he wants us to be happy. Both in this life and for eternity.

We are all a part of God's marvelous masterpiece. He is the king of heaven and earth, and we are His sons and daughters, princesses and princes. Years ago, I was at a girl's camp with a "daughter of a king" theme and received a letter from my dad that talked about that divine nature.

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Kaleigh, you are daddy's little princess. Every night when you were little I would tuck you in and say "Goodnight, Princess Kaleigh." You always have had something inside you that longs to be special and beautiful, and to have an honorable champion to fight for you, like the prince in Cinderella. There were times when I would sit and watch you pretending to be a princess, wishing that there was a way I could say... "Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidy-bobbidy-boo" and everything would be perfect for you. I wished, if only for a while, you could be a real princess. 

Not that you want to be treated like a princess who is needy or helpless. No! Princesses are strong, and courageous too. You definitely have the fight to conquer dragons! Maybe you played like that because in your deepest emotions you want someone to see that you are worth fighting for and long to know that you are of great value and are cherished. 

You are of great value! You are a princess, as a daughter of our Father in Heaven an heir to all that he has. You are a princess of your earthly father and mother, a joy and a blessing in our lives. Hold onto that inner princess. It exists in your heart, mind and soul. Your inner princess is something that you cannot see or touch. It is far from tangible but it is part of who you are. Your inner princess is filled with joy and love and wants to live in a harmonious world. So find that power in your inner princess to live that magical life with confidence, self-assertiveness, passion, happiness and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Never be afraid to keep seeing yourself as a princess, because you are one! (And definitely don't waste your time kissing any frogs.) 

- Dad

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Let us all live up to our full potential as sons and daughters of the most high God,
living after the manner of happiness so that we too, can find our happily ever after.

A Mediocre Blog Post

I'm having a really hard time trying to put this blog post into a normal, flowing, literary form. Sometimes I just don't think in a normal, organized way. Instead I'll just make a list of my scattered thoughts for you and maybe I can trick you into thinking I can write.

// Sometimes, it's too easy to settle; to compromise the things we want most. We settle for instant gratification and things of no importance when compared to things we give up that are of eternal importance.

// It was an amazing realization when I discovered that I don't have to settle; that mediocrity is not my destiny.

// Mediocrity is not a measurement of skill or the lack thereof, but rather a measurement of determination, of effort, and of improvement. We must repent of our daily mediocrity, which we can overcome through repentance and the grace that comes through the power of the atonement.

// "We are too prone to be satisfied with mediocre performance. We are capable of doing so much better." (Gordon B. Hinckley)

// Heavenly Father didn't prepare a plan of mediocrity, but a plan of salvation and a plan of happiness. We were not sent here to settle for mediocrity. We are meant to be so much more.

// My Anti-Bucket List of Mediocrity
- I will never settle for being a mediocre covenant keeper.
- I will never settle for a mediocre marriage.
- I will never settle for mediocre temple attendance.
- I will never settle for being a mediocre teacher when teaching my children about the gospel.
- I will never settle for being a mediocre missionary. (full-time or member)

Dear thirteen-year-old Me,

YOUR TIME WILL COME.
It may not feel like it now, but I promise, it will.

 

Right now you feel impatient, maybe irritated, and probably jealous of those around you. You feel like you have so much you want to do, so much  you want to become, but you're stuck. Just hold on! Right now, you're just a seed. You can't see it, but you're growing. Soon, you'll grow into a tree, and you have the rest of your life to be a tree. But you only get to be a seed once. So be the best little seed that you can be.
 

 

Don't worry what other people think. Usually, they're only thinking about themselves anyways. Nobody will remember the clothes you wore, but they will always remember the way you treated them. Remember, everyone else is growing too. Cutting them down won't make you any taller, or make you grow any faster.

 

Mom and Dad are always right. They only want what's best for you and they love you. Be kind to them. Your Heavenly Father is always right too, and He loves you more than you could ever imagine. He will help you. He will hear and answer your prayers. But He's only going to be a part of your life if you allow Him to be. But He's always there with arms wide open.

 

Everything's going to be okay.

Somebody loves you.

You're going to make it.

 

Right now it may feel like you're never going to get out of the uncomfortable years between childhood and adulthood, but you will. And what you do in these critical years will determine what kind of tree you will eventually be. So prepare to be the tree you want to be. Grow your roots down deep, reach your branches up high, look to the light, and grow with all your might. Remember who created you, who planted you, and will continue to nourish you, because He will never leave you.

 

 

Happy VAlentine's Day!

Get it? VA? Like Virginia? Oh man. I crack myself up.

Valentine's day; the day to celebrate love. This year there was no significant other. But there was also no longing after a significant other either. This year, my Valentine's day was centered soley on the love that my savior has for me. The greatest example of love comes from Christ's atoning sacrifice. So my companions and I decided to spread the love of Jesus Christ to everyone.

How did you spread the love of Christ on Valentine's day?

No Greater Love

The greatest love

that's ever been

is not on silver screens

not in novels

nor red carpets

not in magazines

the greatest gift

we can receive

can not be bought or sold

can't be traded

can't be stolen

more precious than any gold

"greater love 

hath no man than this

that he lay down his life

for his friends"

my Lord and savior

Jesus Christ

on Him, my soul depends

He gave His life

that we might live

He paid the price for sin

He payed our debt

so at the gate

we too can enter in

no greater love

has ever been

no greater gift received

than that he gave

on Calvary

and in Gethsemane

But that's not all

he gave us more

our savior lives again!

 "He is not here

but He is risen"

the angels said to them

He lived and died

and lives again

he did it all for me

my heart is full

my spirit sings

because of him I'm free

the greatest love

that's ever been

is not on silver screens

but in my heart

and in my soul

the love my savior has for me

-Kaleigh Martindale

I Too Can Testify

The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ.

It's where we got our nickname.

// the mormons. 

To be honest, the first time I read The Book of Mormon from cover to cover was just a few months ago. Growing up in this church, I had learned pretty much all the stories inside of it, whether it be from my parents teaching me, primary classes, Sunday school classes, or just my own reading. I had read of courageous men, virtuous women, holy prophets, and the coming of Jesus Christ himself to the Americas.

But I had never asked for myself if it was true.

I could have gone my whole life living on a borrowed testimony. The people around me seemed content enough. In fact, their testimonies were unshakable. I figured anything that people believed in that strongly had to be true.

But I didn't want a borrowed testimony. I wanted my own.

Moroni, the last prophet of The Book of Mormon gives us an amazing promise:

"When ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." 

So I put it to the test. I read The Book of Mormon. All 531 beautiful pages of it. It took me a few months, but as I read, the more and more I began to indulge into the stories. I would find myself longing for a free moment to be able to read just one more verse, just one more chapter. Reading The Book of Mormon brought a sense of peace and complacency that I had never felt before. Each time I read, I felt the spirit whispering to me, "Kaleigh, you know this is true."

"No, I do not," I would respond, "I haven't read the whole thing yet. I haven't prayed about it. I haven't done what Moroni asked. How could I know if this is true?" I would shake off the promptings from the spirit and continue to tell myself that I couldn't know if this was true yet. But I continued to read and ponder and yearn for the truth, to know for myself. Again the spirit would whisper,  "Kaleigh, this is true." But again I would push the prompting aside.

November 10, 2013 I turned the final page and closed the book. I sat in a moment of satisfied silence contemplating what I had just accomplished. I got onto my knees, and began to pray. I asked so sincerely, truly desiring to know if what I just read was true. I asked, and I waited.


and waited. 

and waited. 

and waited. 

nothing. 

 
I started to get really worried. How could I not be getting an answer? Doubt started to creep into my mind when I got the quietest, gentlest whisper of a prompting that I almost could have missed if I wasn't paying attention.

"Kaleigh," the voice whispered, "I've been telling you this whole time that it's true and you didn't listen then. Why would you listen now?" And suddenly I felt so reprimanded and loved all at the same time. I realized that I had been receiving an answer the entire time. Heavenly Father had been trying to help me by nudging me in the right direction and I completely disregarded it. I remembered all the little promptings I received and thought how foolish I had been. Why would Heavenly Father continue to tell me over and over again when I wasn't prepared to listen? I felt so distraught and when suddenly, my heart was filled with so much love. The feeling was absolutely indescribable. In that moment I knew that my Heavenly Father loved me and was so aware of me. He knew that I was venturing on my spiritual quest to find the truth, and he was prepared to help me along the way. Ever since that moment, I've known without a doubt that the Book of Mormon is true.

"Like saints of old in joyful cry, I too can testify;"
 I know with all confidence and certainty that The Book of Mormon is true. I know it, I live it, I love it and it has become my favorite book of all times. If you have any doubts, find out for yourself. You can borrow my testimony for a minute, but sooner or later you'll have to find your own. I know that you can find your testimony just like I did mine. It might not come the way you expect, mine definitely didn't. But it will come. And I promise you that.

To the Future Missionaries,

Someone teach me how to blog again.

...  No seriously.

I have to admit I've missed blogging. Not that I ever kept up with it very well.

Missions are weird.
Missionaries are weirder. 

I've never felt more like myself and I've never felt more like a stranger. It's the best feeling though. I'm learning so much about myself and about the world around me. I'm being refined and sculpted into the person I was meant to be. This was never my plan, but this was obviously Heavenly Father's plan.

I get a lot of questions from future missionaries asking for advice. First of all, I tip my hat to those of you preparing to serve. Today is my four month mark of being a missionary, so I'm not the most qualified to be giving missionary advice. I still feel like i just got here. But if I could give you any advice, it would be this:

+ Take all your expectations and throw them out the window. Go into the MTC ready to face the unexpected and willing to do whatever God has prepared for you. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows your needs and he knows your weaknesses. Trust him to take care of you.

+ Study. Study. Study. Read the Book of Mormon. Read the Bible. Read Preach My Gospel. Become familiar with the doctrine that you're going to be teaching. Gain a testimony of it. Read every day. There is power that comes from daily scripture study and you will be able to feel it.

+ Pray. Every day. Every morning. Every night. When you need help. When you want to give thanks. Prayer is your only direct link between you and Heavenly Father. Take advantage of that! Develop a relationship with your Heavenly Father. He wants to hear from you! He loves you and wants to help you. He's going to be your biggest support system for the next 18 months/2 years.

+ Lose yourself in the work. It sounds so cliche, but there's a reason it's cliche. Because it's true. It's hard to lose yourself in the work. Trust me, I know. Presiden Ezra Taft Benson said, "I have often said one of the greatest secrets of missionary work is work! If a missionary works, he will get the Spirit; if he gets the Spirit, he will teach by the Spirit; and if he teaches by the Spirit, he will touch the hearts of the people and he will be happy. There will be no homesickness, no worrying about families, for all time and talents and interests are centered on the work of the ministry. Work, work, work—there is no satisfactory substitute, especially in missionary work."

+ Be yourself. Heavenly Father knows you. He knows your strengths, your weaknesses, your quirks. He has called you on a mission for a reason. It is not by chance that you've been called to your designated place. Someone out there needs you. Not a robot missionary, not someone who is perfect, not the other missionaries who might seem more experienced and confident than you. Someone needs you. Your strengths. Your weaknesses. Your quirks. This person might be one of your companions, someone in the ward you serve in, a stranger you meet on the street, you never know. But Heavenly Father needs you. He's made us different and unique and he wants us to use those differences to their full capability. He didn't call 100,000 Sister Martindales. He's called 1 Sister Martindale, 1 Sister Calder, and 1 of you.

Missions are hard, I won't deny it. But they're worth it. You will never learn more about yourself and you will never have a better opportunity to forget about yourself. Elder Holland said, "I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him?"

I came on a mission hoping to show some gratitude for the things my Father in Heaven has given me, but over the last 4 months he has blessed me so much and I am even more indebted to him. I'm so grateful for the opportunity I've had to serve a mission. It hasn't been easy. From the very beginning, it was hard. But I would never take it back for the world.

Amazing Grace

I've dedicated my study time completely to studying grace and faith for the past few days and here's what I've decided. Don't take it as doctrine, I'm not a perfect teacher, but I want to share what I know and be edified by what you know as well.

First and foremost, grace is what saves us. Thus the term "saving grace." Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice is a gift that he gives to us. He is infinitely and eternally our redeemer. He paid the price and there is nothing that we can do for ourselves that will ever repay that price. In 2 Nephi 25:23 it says "it is by grace that we are saved after all we can do." and immediately I think "that must mean that I have to do a certain part, and once I reach that amount, Jesus Christ will make up the rest." But that's not what it means at all. Our mission president has been talking with us about this scripture so much recently. When it says "after all we can do" it really is saying "beyond all we can do" meaning that Jesus Christ's atonement saves us with power beyond what we could ever do for ourselves. On our own, we would not be saved and our sins would condemn us indefinitely. We would have no opportunity to repent. But Jesus Christ gives us this opportunity and saves us. Ephesians 2:8-9 says "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." Jesus Christ has already atoned for everyone's sins. He's already paid the price. Because of him we will all be resurrected and will have the opportunity to return to the presence of God to be judged. It is not of ourselves. There is nothing we can do of ourselves that would enable us to do that. Therefore, grace is a gift from God.

But this doesn't mean that we don't have to do a single thing in this life. God has told us "This is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39) Through Jesus Christ's atonement, we will all be resurrected. We will all have a perfect and immortal body. Anything that was ever wrong with us will be corrected, and anything that was ever imperfect will be perfected. Those who have physical disabilities will be healthy, and those who have mental disorders and disabilities will be healed, etc. Therefore, the grace of God saves us and brings to pass our immortality. But immortality and eternal life are not the same.

Eternal life is to live forever as families in God's presence. Eternal life is to live in never ending happiness. It's the phrase used in scripture to define the quality of life that our Eternal Father lives. Like immortality, this gift is made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. However, eternal life requires our obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel. We know that no unclean thing can dwell in the presence of God, therefore only those who have been obedient will be able to have eternal life. But by those standards, none of us will ever enter into the Celestial Kingdom. Luckily, the atonement of Jesus Christ gives us the opportunity to repent and to try again. To get up when we fall down and try to be better. President David O. McKay said "The purpose of the gospel is ... to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature." Someone, (I forget who) said the idea of Mormonism is constant progression. Always striving to improve our lives day by day and striving to be more like Christ every day. James 2:14-26 says that our faith without works is dead. That doesn't mean that our works define our faith, but rather that "by their fruits ye shall know them." If someone truly has faith, or has a "good seed" planted in their heart, their fruits, or their works, will be good as well. Whereas if someone has a "bad seed" or a "dead seed" planted in their hearts, their fruits, or their works, will be bad. (See Matt 7:16-21, Luke 6:43-45, 3 Nephi 14:16-23) But God knows that we're not perfect. and that's where the strengthening and enabling power comes in. He knows that there are some things in this life that are going to be hard for us. He has promised us that he will not tempt us above what we are able, but that doesn't mean that everything in this life is going to be easy. It means that anything that I am tempted with, I can overcome, AS LONG AS I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE. Without God, there are some things in this life that I would NOT be able to handle. But through the grace of God, or the strengthening and enabling power of God, I can overcome anything that he puts in my path. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

So we are saved through grace. We are resurrected and given immortality. Our faith will bring about our good works, and our works will determine the level of happiness we receive in the next life, or which kingdom of glory we will enter. We're not perfect, so the atonement allows us to repent and improve. That's really the whole purpose of the atonement, is to transform us. To be changed by the grace of God, not just saved. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said that "The Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts-what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts-what we have become. Therefore, we can obtain Eternal life and happiness.